How to Get Rid of Anger and Be HAPPY
Anger is something that happens when things don't go our way or the way that we expected them to go. We are unhappy because of our expectations.
I find visuals helpful so let's have a look at the example below:
Things don’t go our way
What the f$@*?!!! And other profanities
Do something you’re not supposed to
What to do
- Label the feeling: "I am angry" (frustrated, resentful, mad, upset etc...)
- Be honest with yourself. What are you hoping to achieve by holding onto the anger? Does my behaviour get me what I want?
- Ask WHO am I angry with? When we have anger it can be directed in 3 ways:
1. SELF: if you are angry with yourself, you need to forgive yourself for the mistake you've made (I know, easier said than done, right?) Practice self-compassion. Ask yourself, 'would I talk to my best friend this way?' The answer is always a big fat NO.
(Fun Fact: Freud believed that Depression was caused by anger towards self)
2. OTHERS: being angry with others does not help us, in fact, it accomplishes the opposite. It destroys OUR happiness. Take responsibility for your anger! Others can influence our anger but only you can control it.
3. GOD/LIFE: "Why?", "Why me?", "This is not fair!". Sound familiar? These questions are unhelpful because they imply that an injustice has taken place (victim mentality) which will ultimately prevent you from letting go. Furthermore, this negative, untrusting "I was wronged, so I'm angry" mindset can spill over into other relationships.
Holding onto anger can cause adverse physical and psychological effects. A qualified therapist can help you develop the self-awareness required to identify the negative thought patterns and triggers that cause your anger and give you the skills to address them.
Author: Amanda Riley, M.A., OACCPP, Registered Psychotherapist
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